The Girl in the Green Raincoat: A Tess Monaghan Novel by Laura Lippman

Author:Laura Lippman [Lippman, Laura]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction, Mystery & Detective, General, Women Sleuths
ISBN: 9780061938368
Google: 17_OlgEACAAJ
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2011-01-18T15:24:27+00:00

Chapter 9

A pink diaper bag?” Tess asked in bewilderment, lifting the item from the silver Nordstrom box.

“Pink and brown.” Whitney took the bag from Tess and began showing her the various pockets. Her over-the-top gestures were uncannily like those used by The Price Is Right models, only Whitney got to do all the talking on her game show. “Your cell can go here, and in a pinch I think you could wrap your Beretta in the portable changing pad. Check out the antique brass tone stroller clips. And it converts to a knapsack.”

She demonstrated, marching up and down, pretending to push a stroller and walk a dog.

“Okay, I like the last feature, but it’s still pink and”—Tess looked at the label—“made by someone called Petunia Pickle Bottom. Also, did I mention? It’s pink.” She couldn’t bear to go into the harangue about the evil eye, and how she didn’t want any baby gifts until there was, in fact, a baby. The concept of a baby was still strangely abstract to Tess. She was eight weeks away from the delivery date, and despite the constant signs of life within her—Fifi La Pew was a big kicker, go figure—seemed to have zero maternal instincts. She wasn’t even sure she believed there was a child in her. She would not be surprised to discover that the object in her belly was an enormous . . . radish. That was, in fact, a recent dream. She’d given birth to a radish, and everyone said it looked just like her.

“I wasn’t being a sexist,” Whitney said. “It just has the best configuration of pockets. I also like that combination of pink and brown. Makes me think of Baskin-Robbins. Besides, it’s not for you, it’s for the baby.”

“I don’t know much about motherhood,” Tess admitted. “But I’m pretty sure the diaper bag is, in fact, for me. For me and Crow, who will probably like changing diapers. Who will probably be such a good parent that I will be largely irrelevant.”

“Are you going to be competitive about parenting, too?” Whitney asked.

“I’m not.” But Tess didn’t have the energy to deny something that was so clearly true. “I’m just feeling inadequate. Crow bustles around, happy and confident, without a single care in the world, whereas I’m stuck in chronic worry mode.”

“Well, I have another gift that might cheer you up.”

“Is it alcohol? Her brain must be more or less developed by now. Besides, IQ is highly overrated. Look at you. Near genius IQ, but your taste is crap.”

“This is better than alcohol.” Whitney, who had continued to pace the room, modeling the diaper bag, stopped and posed dramatically, arms akimbo. “Ethel Zimmerman!”

Tess waited, thinking there must be more, but Whitney just stood there, pleased to the point of smugness.

“I’m afraid I already know Ethel Merman’s real name, but thanks for the trivia. Did you know that Jacqueline Susann was the one who told her what to say, when people asked why she changed it? Something about how people would pass out from the heat if ‘Zimmerman’ were up in lights.

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